It is very easy to ruin your day by taking offense from even a mere stranger. I believe it is easier to take offense from a stranger because you don’t know the intentions of their heart, and there are billions of strangers.

You may know that friends and family have your best interest at heart, but this just means loved ones’ offense is taken deeper into your soul. It potentially doesn’t just ruin your day, for it can ruin the whole dynamic of the relationship if not even end the relationship.

What is Offense?

The first thing to know about offense is that it is subjective. What offends one person can mean nothing to the next person. This is why I link offense to personal pain and trauma. Offense can be perceived by an individual on the receiving end even with no intention to offend from the doer.

And it can be achieved by the doer having the intention to offend another. Therefore offense can happen in two ways. One way forces people to decide if the offense was intended by the doer through perception. Another way offense is achieved is by accepting offense regardless of intention.

When Does Offense Occur?

I define offense as when an insecurity has been poked at and awakened. Offense is when a cord of inner discomfort, insecurity, and unawareness has been struck, and you’re left with no choice but to scream to the pain. Taking offense is a sign that you believe or are shaken by the matter at hand.

You react to the pain with deeply unpleasant emotions and thoughts which produce words and actions or reactions concerning those unpleasant emotions and thoughts. Offense is a choice. Each time you take offense is because you have picked offense as the best possible choice you can have in a given moment.

Why Do You Choose Offense?

Choosing offense is an easier choice to make than having to go within yourself to find out why offense is a possibility regarding the matter at hand. It is harder to delve into your pain and its roots to heal it. It is harder to accept insecurity and recognize where the insecurity emerged.

It is easier to not go into your childhood, but to just say “This is how I am; this is who I am”. It’s easier to blame someone else for wronging you than to see the pain that makes you a target for hurting when the area is touched.

How to Choose Not to Take Offense

Healing is the true answer to not taking offense. This is not a quick-fix article of not taking offense. This is true wholesome wellness knowledge with the longevity that sets the rest of your life up with the superpower of no one being able to offend you.

Think about it. When you’ve healed the insecurity with your body, and you love and appreciate that you’re getting older, love the marks on your body, or your shape and size and smile, when someone mentions these things with a negative tone that intends to offend, how could you possibly be offended when you love these states of being you?

You realize that people don’t ever have the power to offend you unless you give them that power by leaving yourself vulnerable with unhealed wounds. Healing your wounds is healing your insecurities. No, we don’t “all have insecurities” because I healed mine. Healing your insecurities is healing and raising your self-esteem. Having a healed self-esteem is an environment for confidence and security in being you.

Confidence is not a feeling, it is a muscle that you build by doing new things and embracing new ways of being and feeling. Confidence is the result of building that muscle. You are not confident because of how you do something, you are confident because you’ve done that thing so many times that you’ve gotten good at it, and therefore yielded being confident at it.

Start building confidence by feeling the way you want, thinking the way you want, walking and talking in a way that aligns with who you envision, not who the world says you are by handing you a box to fit in. Build that confidence to be you; build that practice of being you and be confidently you as a result. This is how you build your dream life where inner peace reigns and your dream self resides.

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